Philadelphia Sports Franchises Announce Free Refills on Beer
PHILADELPHIA — August 12, 2065
Philadelphia’s four major sports teams have announced a new, collective “Free Refill Fridays” promotion that’s already sending shockwaves — and beer — through the fan base.
Under the new policy, fans can receive a free refill on any draft beer purchase during home games, provided that at least 80% of the original beverage was “enthusiastically shared” with an opposing team’s fan.
“We believe this program strikes the perfect balance between responsible drinking and civic engagement,” said Phillies fan experience director Mike Donnelly. “It’s about coming together — preferably in a sticky, slightly lager-scented way.”
“This is about building community,” added Eagles director of stadium relations Tonya Greene. “Nothing unites Philadelphia like pour-based gravity-assisted democracy.”
“Football hasn’t been the same since the 'Big Three' successfully lobbied to remove Sunday from the calendar — you know, because apparently two consecutive days off makes workers ‘soft’,” Greene continued. “We think this promotion will help take the edge off games moving to Friday.”
The initiative is part of the citywide “Brotherly Love and Booze” campaign, which also includes half-priced pretzels during extra innings, free Amtrak towels for any Braves, Cowboys, Celtics, or Penguins fans needing to dry off, and same-day counseling for visiting New Yorkers.
Security staff will be equipped with body cameras and moisture sensors to verify “spill eligibility.” Fans caught faking a spill — or worse, spilling on a fellow Philly supporter — will be required to buy a round for their entire row and have their Philly Card temporarily downgraded to “Pittsburgh Tier.”
The Eagles, Phillies, 76ers, and Teleporters (formerly Flyers before the 2063 Wormhole, Inc. sponsorship deal) have all reported early spikes in ticket sales for Free Refill Fridays.
Batteries sold separately.
Originally filed: October 26, 2025