FAA Replaces Air Traffic Control with Rear-View Mirrors Amid Ongoing Shutdown

WASHINGTON DC — November 4, 2065

In 2065, airlines discovered a solution to the never-ending air traffic control staffing crisis: rear-view mirrors on planes.

“It’s been staring us in the face the whole time,” said a spokesman for American Airlines. “Better late than never, I guess.”

The FAA, currently operating at 0% capacity due to what analysts are calling “America’s proud tradition of budgetary meditation,” praised the move as “a breakthrough in decentralized aviation.”

Officials say the new Mirror Modernization Program will allow pilots to “self-govern” using the same principles that made highway driving so safe.

United Airlines pilots reported “a slight learning curve” after several planes instinctively merged left at 30,000 feet.

Aviation experts note that mirrors were once considered “backup tools,” but after five decades of intermittent shutdowns, they’ve become “core democratic infrastructure.”

“By 2065, Americans had simply adapted to a culture of government shutdowns,” explained Dr. Han Furlough of the Heritage of Heritage Foundation. “Every federal agency now includes a built-in Plan B. The FAA got mirrors. The FDA got prayer.”

In 2035, many had hoped for a new era of bipartisan cooperation. The next three decades were disappointing. (Related: Coders to Cocktails Act Turns 30)

Boeing says its next model will include blind-spot detection powered by FreedomAI™, which alerts pilots whenever they appear too dependent on guidance.

Until then, passengers are advised to keep their tray tables up and their eyes forward.

Originally filed: November 9, 2025