WASHINGTON, D.C. — Jun 30, 2065
Coders to Cocktails Act Turns 30
What began as a burnout-prevention measure is now the #1 pipeline into hospitality... and Congress.
GLOBAL — Mar 14, 2065
Tesla Acquires Global Oxygen Supply
Tesla takes full control of Earth’s breathable air, launching O₂aaS with a hint of pine scent.
LAS VEGAS — Aug 28, 2065
Caesars Entertainment Buys Las Vegas Hospital
Casino chain expands into healthcare, promising “every stay a winning stay.”
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. — Oct 14, 2065
Jets Fans Enter Phase 3 Clinical Trial
Hopevax aims to suppress early playoff delusions and midseason “mathematical possibility” syndrome.
OXFORD, IN — Jul 14, 2065
Husband Wins Argument
Meteorologists stunned as Hell reports freezing temperatures.
CLIMATE DESK — Aug 12, 2065
Cow Farts Reach Critical Mass
42 billion cows, one atmospheric cascade, zero attention span.
DENVER — Apr 20, 2065
Colorado Celebrates 50 Years of Legal Weed
A world-record attempt at the slowest wave, and a museum of pre-legalization artifacts.
SPORTS DESK — Sep 14, 2065
Aaron Rodgers’ 61st Season Sparks Debate Over Performance-Enhancing Bionic Limbs
Neural implants, firmware audits, and a Model QB power curve.
TOKYO — Apr 1, 2065
Skibidi Toilet Launches Tokyo Theme Park
GigaFlush Mountain™, Express Flush, and a 60-foot animatronic commode.